Leap Day William

Because February is the longest yet shortest month of them all, I thought to start off on a comedic foot.  Today is Leap Day!  I'm not really sure if I'm supposed to do something special or not, but since it only happens once every four years, I figured I should mention it.

Anyway, this has been a tough month.  My dad had surgery, work has been stupidly stressful, Mackie was forced into resigning from her position at work and now she needs to start looking for a new job.
I feel like every February is a trial.  Lex and Mary-Frances both lost a parent in February.  Two years ago was a terrible February for the Alevizos's.  It really is a hard month, and I wonder what the power of February is to make things like this happen, and to really have such a strong blow.

It's like February is a challenge, its so hard to climb over it and get to March.  Maybe that is why, though.  The last month after a long, cold and dark winter.  Spring right out of reach of your fingertips.  I'm not sure, I just hope that the rest of the year goes better then it has started.

Victor Pants, One year later.

Original Victor Post

How has it already been a year?  Its quite remarkable when I think about this past year.  How can one thing happening effect your daily thoughts, your emotions, your daydreams?
Not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought, or even cried about Victor.  I remember his last week, every minute, every second.  I remember it like how you watch a movie. I see myself in it.  And it breaks my heart.

Our love for Victor was so huge, and our loss was so great, that we now have 2 dogs to fill the space.  And we love them so much, and are so grateful for Lenny and Olive. They're wonderful and awesome.

But its still crazy.  One year ago, I thought I could never love a dog again.  Never.  I didn't think I had love for any dog but Victor.  How do feelings change, how do you know when you're accepting things for what they are, how do you know when you're ready to learn life in a different way, without this creature who was such a constant in it?

Tonight Bill and I are going to hug, cry, and take the dogs to the dog park to celebrate Victor Pants.  He was still the best, most amazing dog I have ever met.  I miss him so much.

More Lenny, All the time!

Somehow this summer has come and gone.  Why is that?  Why are the best 3-4 months out of the year the ones that fly so fast?  It's a major bummer.  Warm weather, awesome CSA (thankfully have it until the end of October) and another shout out - best CSA ever!  Regardless, I have enjoyed many a pool day a la Darren's Chateau (in Lombard) and long walks with  my lovable Lenny!

Lots of fests, parties, music and fun.  But the theme of the summer is Lenny.  Lots of Lenny.  We hired a dog walker, my friend Amanda who is awesome and loves Lenny, and we also rely on our amazing friends.  Being a puppy (we still think 17 months or so) he needs to go out at least four times a day, and he only "goes" on walks.  Its rare he uses our wonderful yard.  I hope that changes in the winter time!

And he kind of still freaks when we leave.  He has locked himself in the hallway twice (although we keep the door closed) and in the bathroom, and I can't believe I didn't take photos of that.  He is into knocking his food over - pic to follow - but he has been super fun.  We do family walks at night, when somehow the city is so, so silent.  It's one of the reasons I love our neighborhood so much.  You feel like your totally alone.  You, the sound of your footsteps and his.  It's awesome.

Lenny's food scattered, note the over turned bowl.

Like father, like son.

My mom makes these dog toy pillows, and Lenny loves them!

What spice would you like?

I'm really a lap dog!

Lenny loves the frozen bison bones, just like his elder spirit dog Victor did!

Lenny the Dog

Bill and I are still grieving over the loss of Victor Pants. Its one of those things that with time, it doesn't hurt as badly, but we still love Victor and he will always be such an important part of our lives.
We were not actively looking for a new dog, it has only been four months since he passed away.

My parents were actively looking for a new dog, and when I was at their house the day before Memorial Day, I was perusing petfinder.com, and this picture jumped off the page at me.

Wowzer!  I sent in my application asap and called furiously to the Chicago Canine Rescue.  Long story short, I have never fought so hard for something in my life.  They wanted Lenny to be in a home with another dog, and I told them all about Chainsaw downstairs.  They wanted us to have an 8 foot fence, I told htem Lenny would never be outside alone.  And then we met him.  And it was love at first sight.  We took him for a long walk.  Then we went the next day and walked him again.  Then on Tuesday we had our home visit, and Lenny was dropped off.  Lenny was a little scared of the stairs, and he walked in and peed in front of the dog bed, and on the fridge, and on the plants on the deck.

I was worried that he would be in the house, but that was that!  We have him on a totally organic high protein food - he's underweight and he needs to gain more before he can be neutered.  He's so amazing and transitioning so well.  He jumps in bed and follows Bill around everywhere.  He's so awesome. 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried to begin with.  I cried a lot about Victor - would he be mad, would he be sad, would he be happy?  Has enough time passed?  I'm feeling guilty, etc.  So many feelings.  But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  We got Lenny.  He is happy with us.  He already loves us, and we are quickly falling in love with him too.  We are a family again.  I still miss Victor, though, and that feeling will never go away.  I just hope that they would be friends.

And May....

So far this month has been wild.  My great and amazing friend Rachel got a gig in Chicago for 6 weeks and she is staying with us.  She made us cookies, has done more dishes in a week then either Bill or I have ever done, and she was here for Victor's Celebration of Life party.

Rachel & Me at our wedding.

Sadly, we kept losing the camera and don't have pictures of the party, but the memories are great.

Victor and me a couple days before our wedding.

This Sunday (May 23) is Bill and my one-year anniversary.  This time last year I was 15 pounds lighter, had an amazing tan and awesome hair.  What a year can do.

Saturday night Bill is taking me to A Tavola for dinner, my absolute favorite Italian restaurant. 

And we're spending all day Sunday together, probably heading to the Garfield Park Conservatory and somewhere awesome for lunch, like Revolution Brewery in Logan Square.  Although the Hawks are playing, maybe they will have TV's.

I can't believe a year has already passed, I loved our wedding and it will always be the greatest day of my life.  

Day To Day

Day to day, minute by minute.  Georgeanna emailed me and made a great point, that the loss of a pet makes us realize how precious and valuable life is.  It's so easy to take for granted.
We are trying to adjust, in the words of Mackie, to our "New Normal".  Its so hard.  Friday was my first day of coming home from work and not being greeted by the door.  Today was the first time I went grocery shopping and didn't have Victor to search through the bags for treats.  And then there is the uneasy feeling.  Victor protected me.  He made me feel safe.
And then its the noises.  I think I hear him but I don't see him.  And also I always wake up around 3:30 a.m. for some reason, and I would always stop and pet Victor on my way to or from the refrigerator when I grab my glass of water.
I will start talking about cooking again, soon.  I just need to keep on venting for a bit.

Victor Pants Alevizos 5/15/98 - 2/17/10

I can't believe it happened.  Neither of us can.  I washed both of his beds so he would have them nice and fresh when he came home.  I never second-guessed that he would be coming home.
Everything happened so fast, but we know we had to do what was best for Victor.
It's been so hard. We have amazing friends that love us so much, that have offered to do things like make us dinner to cleaning our apartment.  Bill and I fell asleep on Victor's bed together last night. I know its probably not healthy, but we had to. 

I know that other then just missing him being around, its the loneliness that is going to get me.  For Bill, he and Victor had a routine.  Bill said today "I have woken up to his face for damn near 12 years" and its so true.  They had their gig.  As soon as Bill got out of bed Victor was up - they were in total unison.

Leaving today for breakfast (yes, we are trying to feed ourselves) I turned off the T.V. and went straight for the radio.  I cried, as I turned it on, telling Bill, "I still have to do this.  Victor needs the radio on."  It's the first time that there was no guilt leaving.  He's not here alone, he's not begging for a cookie.  I miss that so much.

We dropped salad on the floor, and its the first time since living with Bill that we had to clean it up.  Victor always went running. I haven't picked food off the floor in at least 3 1/2 years.
Eating dinner tonight was sad, too.  Victor always laid between us and the table, and if we pulled the table in I would say "Beep beep Victor".  But now we just pulled the table in.

Minute by minute, day by day.  We are truely sad and suffering right now, trying to be strong because Victor hated when we were sad.  Thank God Bill and I have eachother.  We are very loving and supportive of eachother.  That's what Victor would have wanted. 

 

  

 

 

  

Victor hated being picked up, but he never got mad at Bill!

More Victor News

Ugh, so today we brought Victor back to the emergency vet.  He has moments of old Victor gleaming in his eye, but overall, he isn't any better.
He had some movements, not good ones, and still isn't eating.  And for anyone that knows Victor, the dog loves to eat.  I know some people might think "It's just a dog, why spend so much money you don't have" and the reason is that we love him like we love a person.  Bill has had him from the moment he was able to leave his mom, and that's been 11 amazing years - almost 12 - his birthday is in May.

Considering the vet still cannot find anything wrong with him, gives us the positive belief it could be something as simple as a GI track infection.  We are awaiting the results of his lympomia test (from the lymphnodes between his small and large intestine) so we will hopefully know more tomorrow.

This just sucks, though.  The house is too quiet.  The good news is we can call the vet 24/7 to check up on him. And its a nice hospital - nice big pens, lots of blankets for him to lay on.
We just love our Bunny Pants and we know he's got many good years left.

Victor Pants is Sick

This is has been a tough week.  Victor has been sick again, and last time we just took a stool sample to the vet (TMI, I know) but this time we brought him in.
My poor bunny - was was there on Friday 2/12/10 from 9:00 - 5:30 on an IV, and they did a bunch of tests and x-rays and blood work.  And a very large bill later and a second vistit today, they still don't know what is wrong with him.
It's misery.   Now he's not eating, which is the most terrifing thing.  Victor has been known to eat poop off the street.  Seriously. He will eat anything.  So this is the worst.  And he's on 3 prescriptions that we have to give him, and the only way to give a dog a pill is with food.
My heart is breaking.  Just breaking.  I am happy that the vets can't find anything wrong with them, but still I am so frustrated.  X-Ray after X-ray and test after test after test.  Bill is trying to hand feed him chicken.  Just a little something.   I just want Victor to be old Victor again, happy and healthy.  My dog. My bunny pants.  My Victor.  Bill's Victor.  Our dog-child.  We love him so much and we're both so scared.